We all have an authentic Self and we’re born with it. But things happen in our lives, and we pick up intense feelings that seem like burdens. We pick up beliefs about ourselves, other people and the world. Other parts of us move in to protect us. They help us deal with all the hard things that happen. They help us deal with all the crap and they’re great. They help us survive.

However, we don’t want our parts to run our lives, yet often they do. They get in the driver’s seat and they don’t get out. What we really want is our authentic Self to be in the driver’s seat.

Therapy is all about getting to know all our parts and helping those parts soften back so they don’t have to work so hard. We want our authentic Self to drive and they can get in a different seat. Self can be in charge, and we can live and move and be more in our authentic Self.

The assumption of IFS is based on an understanding that we are multiple in terms of personality and unitary in terms of identity. Specifically we have a core Self and parts of self, which exist to serve the Self. Our parts come online as we develop from infancy and into adulthood, and all parts are good; some are present in managing our day to day lives, i.e. when doing our banking, planning for our next adventure, exercising, and trying to impress those around us. Some are carefree and are present when we are spontaneous or are intimate with another person.

At the heart of IFS is the understanding that some parts take on burdens, i.e. intense feelings like sadness, fear, and pain. Because it is important for you not to be stuck in these intense feelings, our protective system locks these parts away to keep them from getting to the surface by taking on extreme roles. In short, we develop relationships with our parts and our parts develop relationships with each other, which can result in an internal disharmony.

In therapy, we work with the protective parts first. As the Self develops a trusting relationship with the protectors, the protectors allow us access to the exiles, so they can release their intense feelings. No longer needing to be in these extreme roles, the managing parts adjust to simply living and can continue to be great as managers/protectors or take on other roles in healthy and flexible ways. Ultimately, this results in you feeling Self-led, with the parts contributing to the whole with their unique gifts and abilities.

When you work on changing your life, you will often find clusters of parts related to a certain issue. These clusters must be attended to in order to address a single issue. Rather than looking at how someone is disordered, I look at how someone has internally ordered around stressors in life. Below are commons ways parts present:

Exiles hold intense feelings, such as fear, feelings of guilt, anger, shame, sense of worthlessness, hopelessness, loneliness, emptiness, grief, and disappointment.

Proactive managers can operate by controlling your life to avoid any events that will trigger your exiles. For instance, a protector may try to be perfect to avoid rejection, and consequently, the exile holding the pain of rejection from becoming present. In another example, a protector may please other people in order to avoid the risk of harming a relationship. A caregiving protector may care for everyone else but you so as to avoid feelings of loneliness.

Reactive firefighters act to control and extinguish the intense feelings of exiles. They do this by binging on food/sweets, smoking, drinking alcohol, doing drugs, watching pornography, gambling, shopping, working, and using social media to name a few.

It is therefore possible to treat a wide range of “disorders,” including anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), eating disorders, disruptive behaviours and dissociative disorders.